Since we’re in the dead of summer, I assume some people have taken vacation. We don’t take vacations here in the sports department because I spend all my money on Legos and Aaron blew last year’s Christmas bonus on a car with a seat warmer and COOLER. So we’ll live vicariously through you all. Let’s see what Centralia’s Oscar Jackson is up to…
Ah, Los Angeles. Here’s a few things you should know about the second biggest city in the country.
1. It’s earthquake prone. Kind of like Seattle but without the large looming volcano that’s going to covering anything in mud anyways. Seattle has quaint little earthquakes while Los Angeles does this…
You know what this is? Reason No. 1 never to drive in LA. Reason No. 2 is the traffic which makes Tacoma look like a well-constructed flowing German Autoban. Reason No. 3 is if I’m vacation, I’m spending the entire time on the beach re-enacting scenes from Top Gun.
2. It’s diverse. Perhaps the only city where you can have a conversation with a man dressed like a stormtrooper, discuss British politics with a gas station attendant, make fun of the Laker fans who won’t be good for the next ten years and then spend a dollar and a half to use the restrooms at Jack in the Box. Ahhh, LA never change.
3. It’s warm. You know how we get all crazy when it gets to be like 95 in Centralia? We act like the world is ending and that we should probably start boring holes into the earth to escape the scorching sun? That’s like May in LA. It’s warm. All the time. It’s the better looking cousin of Seattle that has a much better three-level house in a nicer neighborhood. Only instead of houses and neighborhoods we’re talking about beach volleyball and Terminator movies.
This is some of the hazards of running around Centralia. I’ve nearly snapped my ankle misstepping in a water line access panel pit, been chased by a cat and a dog (at the same time) and even Aaron has been heckled by the Capital baseball coaching staff. So stepping on a large rusty tack really isn’t anything out of the norm.
Wait he’s not going to get a tetanus shot? Aaron probably never got the talk when he was a kid. They do things differently out in Adna, but in Chewelah I was always told that if I step on anything rusty (including Derek Jeter’s baseball skills), I should immediately get a tetanus shot unless I want to become this…
But apparently Aaron was like “NOPE DONT NEED TO SEE THE DOCTOR” even though I could see him slowly turning into the undead.
Luckily this morning, he woke up with a swollen foot and is now going to the doctor. Zombie apocalypse averted.
Anyone else remember the story of the monkey eating off the face of a lady? I have never looked at monkeys the same. I mean they’re my favorite animal at the zoo because they’re behind like 2 inches of glass and look like little furry humans, but seriously: A MONKEY TORE OFF SOMEONE’S face.
So they go on my long list of hornets, grizzly bears, dogs from the Logan District, Wayne Nelson, gremlins and soccer moms as creatures I do not mess with.
The Tanner Gueller bighead sign should follow him to Idaho State University. These needs to happen. And if it doesn’t happen, I hope Tanner understands it will be waiting for him when he visits Cheney to play my Eastern Washington University Eagles. Be prepared, Tanner.
I have long lamented the demise of good, solid movies that don’t need to make $500 million at the box office to be considered a success. Uncle Buck is one of those. The Great Outdoors is another John Candy classic. Cool Runnings, however, is his opus.
Even though this Disney movie is probably little known by today’s high school generation, those of us that grew up in the 90s can quote the movie with impunity and secretly hope that Jamaica actually does enter in the Olympics with a bobsled team.
Terminator 2 is a fascinating and terrifying movie as a kid. First, there is Arnold who you can immediately identify as the good guy. I know adults always talk about the “plot twist” of Arnold seeming like a bad guy but in the end becoming a good guy, but anyone worth their “how action movies are made” salt understand from the get-go that Arnie is the good guy. And to a kid, if Arnold is a good guy, chances are the good guys are going to win.
Second, Los Angeles gets blown up. In Sarah Conner’s dreams. That still gives me nightmares. Although my parents assured me that Chewelah is probably not on Skynet’s “To Blow Up” list.
And lastly, wasn’t young John Connor annoying? I mean he had a ginger as a best friend, drove a dirt bike and spent his free time in the arcade. Either John Connor grows up to lead human’s resistance in a fight against the machines or he becomes the greatest World of Warcraft player of all time.
And with that, ladies and gentlemen… Happy Tuesday!